I was listening to a podcast conversation recently where the couple talked about the importance of our story in relation to the gospel, or rather, how we communicate the gospel. The overarching tone of the discussion was that we are most trust-worthy, most impactful, and more likely to influence change when we share the brokenness of our journey, rather than trying to portray perfection.
My takeaway from this unscripted talk was that the very thing that attracts us to others is their true story, not the shiny, curated stories they’ve cherry-picked to portray the persona they aspire to. We are all guilty of this, though, aren’t we?
Perhaps without knowing it, we are all hungry for more honest stories - stories full of struggle, doubt, mishaps, and shattered pieces - because we
wantneed to see that our place in this world isn’t a lonely one. We need to see that we do belong; that we’re not alone. We are connected in our struggle, our need for saving, our need to grieve.
Perceptions change when we let our guard down
Have you ever noticed how your perception of someone is formed instantly even when you don’t know them? And then, if you have the chance to hear something personal and honest about their lives, your perception shifts, the guard comes down a bit, and you start to feel a sense of connection with that individual simply because you’ve seen a glimpse into their humanness.
I cycle through this scenario constantly. I try very hard not to form biased opinions about people I don’t know (and even those I do know), but that seems to be how we’re conditioned. Maybe it’s our environment, experiences, upbringing, privilege (or lack thereof) that dictates how we form perceptions about people, but we form them whether we like it or not.
What if, instead, we got curious about others? What if we didn’t assume their motives and started asking better questions?
If we’re honest, don’t we want that for ourselves? To have someone ask us the right questions? Don’t we want to be seen and understood? To live without the pressure to perform? To finally feel like we can exhale, knowing that the truth is out and we are, in fact, imperfect? And once that cat’s out of the bag maybe someone else will see us for who we really are and say, “I get what you’re going through because I am too" or “thank you for your honesty, you gave me the courage to open up about my own struggle.”
I guess what I’m getting at is this: it’s not perfection that connects us with others, but rather the raw stories that are smeared on the walls of our hearts with colorful, mismatched paint.
Tell me something real
Tell me you’re the mother who lost your shit, dropped your coffee and broke your favorite mug in a dash to get out the door this morning, while feeling like garbage because you took it out on your kids.
I was her.
Tell me you’re the workaholic who can’t seem to stop working while the sleepless nights keep piling up.
I was her.
Tell me you’re newly married and feel totally let-down, torn apart, and so utterly alone because marriage is not what you thought it was going to be and you have no idea how you’re going to do this for the rest of your life.
I was her.
Tell me you feel the need to carry every burden of every person you love. Because of this, you struggle with the lie that you need to keep your own pain hidden because it’s too small to bother anyone else with, and they have enough problems as it is.
I am her.
Dear reader, I want you to know that I don’t claim to be an expert in anything, really. I’m just small, using words to sort through big thoughts I don’t always know what to do with.
But I do know this. We are meant to live in community, and communities are built when people seek to know and be known. In other words, if we want authentic relationships, we have to start being honest and start asking better questions.
Questions for reflection
What’s a story you need to tell?
What’s stopping you from opening up with people you trust?
Who in your life would you like to get to know more intimately?
What are better questions you can ask them?
Who in your life have you potentially misunderstood?
How can you seek to know them better?
As you go about your week, I hope you embrace the awkwardness of saying the hard things, even if you’re out of practice. I hope you get to know something new and unexpected about the person you thought you had figured out. And I hope you feel less alone and more loved because God sees you - the real you.
Until next time,
This so resonated with me Danielle. I also liked the reflection questions at the end!
Excellent